Phillip Sherwood

I will have to admit that the past four months have been my toughest struggle since coming home from the accident. It seems like when it rains, it dumps everything all at once. I’ve been bombarded with health, emotional and physical pain, and just things not going smoothly but I know I mustn’t give up in my struggle to overcome these perpetual endless obstacles put before me that just sap my innermost strength. Each negative variable compounds on one another creating a synergistic effect that challenges my success of even the simplest automatic task of my being. I’m not sure if my situation is easier to deal with by myself or within the company of a companion. The frustration that comes from not knowing what is physically happening on the inside so I can know how to remedy what ails me creates a feeling of helplessness and loss of control of my own being is an experience I’ve never faced before in my life. The feeling of vulnerability now contrasts that of my feeling of being bulletproof back in my 20’s as a young warrior. Instead of fellow soldiers to take arms in a mutual battle for survival is now replaced with a team of medical and psychological doctors interlinked by common databases and machines that produce test results. My enemies are now microscopic and invisible to the naked eye making their lethality to cause irreparable harm more potent than any combat system found on the modern day battlefield. I was a soldier in uniform fighting for my country and the beliefs that make us the proud world leaders that we are and although my uniform is hung in the closet now, I have still a soldier’s strength to fight just as tenaciously on this vicious new arena. This week is the first week in four months I’ve had the physical strength to make it through a day at work with a full workout in the gym afterwards. It may be a coincidence because Teddy at work brought me cinnamon rolls from a left over meeting this morning but I’ll take a victory any way I can get it to help me chip away at this feeling of well-being deficit I’m in.